


The Ten Times Finn Needed a Pilot (and the one time he didn't)

by Fanhag102



Category: Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: 5 Times, Budding Love, Jealousy, M/M, Pining
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-01-13
Updated: 2016-01-13
Packaged: 2018-05-13 17:43:00
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 6,790
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5711290
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Fanhag102/pseuds/Fanhag102
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Yep, TEN. I don't know how to do things. </p>
<p>Also as usual with my fics it is v, v, v cheesy. </p>
<p>Deal with it, nerds.</p>
            </blockquote>





	The Ten Times Finn Needed a Pilot (and the one time he didn't)

**The ~~Five~~ TEN Times Finn Needed a Pilot (And the One Time He Didn’t)**

* * *

 1)

Maybe some part of FN-2187 knew Slip would be killed as soon as he went out in the field. It shouldn’t have surprised him or even fazed him—Stormtroopers died all the time in the service of the First Order. It was what they were trained to do. What _he_ was trained to do.

But somehow when FN-2003—clumsy, haphazard Slip—died right in front of him from one phaser blast to the chest, FN-2187 woke up. No amount of training and praise and perfect scores could keep him from feeling that Slip, the “weakest link,” didn’t deserved to have his life thrown away for the sake of an organization that didn’t care for the people they killed or the ones who did the killing.

The moment he made the decision not to fire his weapon on those defenseless people the realization struck him: he was the new weakest link.

His head was a jumbled mess as their ship left Jakku and Captain Phasma knew that something had gone wrong. He was malfunctioning; thinking and feeling things that he’d been conditioned not to think and feel for all of his life. She commanded him to submit his blaster and that was when 87 felt the shift. Maybe his life didn’t have to be this way. Maybe if he just got far enough away…

Pieces of a puzzle started to come together, the threads of a halfway decent, completely _insane_ plan formed in his head.

_“Your duty is to the First Order above all else. Even your life,”_ they’d told him, over and over again, for as long as he could remember, beating it into his head every hour of every day. _“Your life belongs to the First Order.”_

“Like hell it does,” he muttered, swallowing hard, shouldering his blaster, and heading towards the prison cells.

“I need a _pilot_.”

* * *

 2)

The name kept ringing in his ears; _Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn._ Poe Dameron didn’t have to give him a name and that name didn’t have to be a good one, but he did and it was and now Poe Dameron was dead.

Stumbling across the scorching deserts of Jakku, head still spinning from the crash, wondering with every step what had gone wrong in his head, why he couldn’t kill those people, be a good Stormtrooper, be _normal_ , Finn ( _Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn, Finn)_ shed the white armor and shed the identification FN-2187 and kept walking—a new man.

What did he do now? Where could he go? Was there any chance he would survive this? Was he any better off stranded on Jakku than he was in the First Order?

He didn’t know. His head and heart were full of complicated thoughts and emotions and it was too hot to try and sort through them.

He knew only three things: he was alone, his name was Finn, and he really, _really_ wished he had a pilot.

* * *

 3)

If Finn hadn’t been taken by the First Order as a child, taken too young to even remember his family, he would have grown up with a mother constantly scolding his impulsive nature.

“You’re so impetuous, child! Do you ever think things through?” She would ask him, and he would smile and run off on some reckless venture. But Finn never knew his mother and the First Order didn’t like recklessness; it wasn’t useful.

And yet somehow Finn still held on to that headlong trait of following his instincts without much thought—especially when it came to people.

He had barely known Poe and their situation hadn’t given them much time to learn about one another but Finn’s instincts told him that Poe Dameron was a good man. He had a face you could trust, a confident air that you could practically hear through his voice, and to top it off he had been a _damn good pilot_. Maybe it was rash for Finn to feel so much for someone he’d known for such a short time but then maybe Finn just _was_ rash. He had _liked_ Poe.

Finn had known this girl an even shorter amount of time than he’d known Poe and hey, maybe it was impetuous, but he _liked_ her.

“We need a pilot!” he shouted, BB-8 rolling like crazy to keep up with them as they fled from the outpost.

“We’ve got one!” She shouted back.

* * *

 4)

This was— _officially_ —the worst planet Finn had ever been to. It was hot, humid, dangerous, anywhere you looked all you saw was the color of boogers, and the entire planet smelled like rotting fruit. Even Jakku didn’t seem so bad compared to this trash-pit of a location.

Not to mention he and Rey were stranded in the middle of what he assumed was some kind of a forest being chased by a rampaging monster that was as awful as the planet itself. There was _no way_ any special, “magic” lightsaber jewel was worth being eaten alive by something that looked like it hadn’t bathed since it’s birth.

Finn had wanted to stay by the ship but Rey said she needed him so he went and where had it landed them? Running across sticky, grey-green dirt from a horrible monster and no ship to get them out of it.

If Finn had known he was going to die like this he definitely would have kissed _someone_  at least once.

“This is bad!” Rey called back to him as she leapt deftly over a fallen something that could have once been a tree.

“ _You think_?” Finn yelled back, glancing back over his shoulder to confirm that the monster was, yep, _still behind them_. “ _We need a shiiiiiip_!”

Finn’s foot got stuck in a puddle of the gooey grey substance and he stumbled, yelling for Rey though he knew she would never be able to get to him in time. And just when he thought the monster was upon him he heard the sound of laserfire, looking up into the sky to see the Millenium Falcon descending to the ground and landing just on top of the monster’s lifeless figure.

Chewbacca and Poe emerged from the Falcon once it landed completely, BB-8 rolling out after them. Finn had never been so happy to see all of them.

“Anyone call for a rescue?” Poe asked, grinning smugly.

Finn and Rey stared at each other in relief and embraced, neither of them able to believe they made it out of that one alive. It was hard to tell who joined the hug next, Poe or Chewbacca, but it didn’t really matter because in the end all four of them (five, counting BB-8) stayed huddled together for several warm, long, comforting minutes.

Finn really _liked_ group hugs.

* * *

 5)

“We’re not going in there.”

“Yes we are.”

“Noooooooooo we are not!”

“Uh-huh.”

“Oh no. Nope. No we aren’t.”

“It’s happening.”

“No. Turn around. We go back, get caught by that ship, they keep us captive, maybe torture us, we escape and survive. Not so bad. We go in _there_ and we die, Poe. That’s the whole story. Death. Us, _dead_. The _no-longer-alive_ kind of dead.”

“We’ll be fine,” came the pilot’s reply, a grin stretched across his cheeks.

Finn may as well have been talking to the navigation display.

He cringed when he looked out of the window again and saw how close they were to the edge of the asteroid field. The First Order ship was still behind them on their radar, gaining speed. Finn groaned and strapped himself begrudgingly into the co-pilot chair. BB-8 beeped and shot cables out to keep him from rolling around when things started to get a little bumpy, as things were guaranteed to get.

“BB-8 is right,” Poe said, shifting forward and gripping the wheel tighter. “You really need to have more faith in my piloting skills.”

Just as he said that the first asteroid came hurtling towards them, nearly skimming the top of the ship as Poe spun them around in a stomach-lurching move to avoid it.

Finn groaned again as the ship bobbed left and right to avoid the oncoming space rocks—and they weren’t even in the center of the field yet.

“Look, the First Order ship is slowing down!” Poe motioned to the radar as he guided the ship up and back and sideways through the increasingly denser field of killer rocks. Finn opened his eyes though he hadn’t really remembered closing them and almost screamed when he saw an asteroid just in front of them. Poe maneuvered around it just in the nick of time, laughing the whole way.

“You—are you _enjoying this_? I’m flying with a madman! Join the resistance, they said! They didn’t tell me I’d—oh no, oh no, up, up, up, UP, UP!”

BB-8 beeped again and Poe laughed, angling the ship away from the oncoming asteroid without even trying.

“Don’t panic,” Poe tried to soothe him as they sped just between two asteroids, nearly sandwiching the ship, “I’m the best pilot in the resistance, remember?”

“DO THE ASTEROIDS KNOW THAT, POE?” Finn shouted, pointing out to said asteroids. They dipped down and then back around. The field was only getting more crowded and harder to navigate. A small asteroid bounced off their shields when Poe ducked below it to avoid its larger sibling. Finn nearly had a heart attack.

“That was way too close! Where is Rey when I need her?” He whined, one hand gripping the edge of the seat for dear life and the other pointing out of the window when he shouted, “Left, LEFT!”

“Why are you wondering where _Rey_ is right now?” Poe asked, leaning to the left as he flew them to the left, a habit that Finn noticed the first time he got to watch Poe flying. It was a stupidly cute habit and even in this near-death situation the reckless pilot had flown them into Finn found it endearing. And even through all the griping he knew he was in no better hands than Poe’s. The pilot didn’t even seem worried; the first time there was even an edge to his voice since they entered the asteroid field was just then, when he’d asked about Rey. But even then he hadn’t sounded worried, almost annoyed. Finn was sure it was just the stress of flying them safely out of the field.

“Why would I need Rey right now?” Finn repeated, and was surprised to find Poe staring at him instead of at the oncoming asteroids. Poe’s serious face caught Finn off-guard and even though he knew only seconds had passed it felt like it took him several minutes before he could remember what he was saying and the whole time Poe’s eyes were blazing on his—and then BB-8 beeped frantically and Poe turned back to the controls, hurriedly moving them out of the way of the hugest asteroid they’d seen so far that was barreling towards them head-on. They only barely got out of its way in time.

Finn threw his hands up in the air, unsure if his heart was pounding from Poe’s stare or fear, and shouted,

“BECAUSE I NEED A PILOT WHO ISN’T COMPLETELY INSANE!”

Poe’s laughter rang in his ears well after they’d escaped the field and managed to return to the base, surprisingly in one piece.

* * *

 6)

It was supposed to be as easy mission: go to the assigned planet and rendezvous with recruits from a distant system that had recently been targeted by the First Order. Finn had gone along to inspect the recruits, make sure there were no traitors or First Order sympathizers among them and if he deemed them trustworthy, Poe would give them the location of the closest rebel base.

The trip there was simple enough and they arrived early. The recruits even seemed nice at first, though one of the men kept staring at Finn as they were all being introduced. Poe did a lot of the talking; after all, he’d been with the rebellion practically his whole life and he knew how these things went.

It would have been a clean, easy in-and-out mission if it wasn’t for the man who kept staring at him. Just as Poe was explaining where the nearest rebel base was the man spoke up, loud enough for Finn and Poe to hear.

“Hey, I know who that guy in the jacket is,” he said, glaring. “He’s the stormtrooper who turned! I’ve heard about him, always hanging around that new Jedi girl who never seems to be around when you need her. How could the rebellion trust a stormtrooper? Think about how many of us he’s probably killed!”

“Hey!” Poe took a step towards the man but Finn held him back. Unfortunately he didn’t predict that BB-8 would rush forward too and he was too slow to stop the droid from ramming into the man’s shins at full speed. Poe laughed harshly while the man buckled over and cursed.

“Nice job, BB-8!” Poe praised, and one of the leaders of the recruits apologized for the man’s comments as they parted ways. Still, the incident stayed with Finn as they started up the ship and left the meet-up planet. Poe took notice of his unusual quiet and needed only one guess to uncover the reason.

“You’re upset about what that asshole said, aren’t you?”

Finn’s lack of answer was answer enough. Poe sighed and looked to BB-8.

“You’re navigating, buddy. You know where to go,” and then let the droid gather coordinates and prepare to go the hyperdrive. As soon as they made the jump to hyperspace Poe turned his chair to face Finn, expression serious.

“I don’t think it was an accident, you being a stormtrooper,” he said. Finn had heard it all before but Poe’s eyes sucked him in. Poe’s eyes twinkled sometimes and they were twinkling now. Finn especially loved when they twinkled. Poe had a whole theory about things happening just the way they were meant to. “See, you were there right when I needed you, right? I wouldn’t be alive if you hadn’t been a stormtrooper.”

“A stormtrooper who only rescued you because he needed a pilot,” Finn reminded him primly. Poe laughed but stopped when he saw how upset Finn was.

“You can’t blame yourself for your life. Life’s too short for that,” Poe tried to reason with him. “And there are too many things to see in this universe that you’ll never be able to see if you don’t let yourself be happy with where you are now. I’ve got something to show you.”

“What?” Finn asked, confused by the sudden change of topic.

“We’ll be there soon. You’re gonna love it.”

“Where are we going? Don’t we have to get back to base?”

The pilot looked him square in the eyes and flashed that now-familiar, flashy grin. Maybe all that twinkling was starting to hypnotize him.

“Do you _want_ to go straight back to the base?”

Before Finn could get his mouth to work to come up with an answer Poe was messing with controls and concentrating on exiting hyperspace. They emerged on the edge of an enormous planet Finn had never seen before. It was covered in what seemed like purple water and what little land he could see through the lavender clouds was all green.

But instead of heading for the planet, Poe steered their ship around it until Finn spotted a small moon in a slow orbit around the planet. It was so full of craters it didn’t even appear round, but jagged and grey. Finn couldn’t imagine why Poe would want to show him some ugly moon but he kept his mouth shut.

“I found this place when I was younger. Before I joined the rebellion for good I left home to do some… growing up. Travelled around, tried different things, met different people. I know, it’s the most obnoxious teenager trying to ‘find himself,’ story but what can I say? I’m a cliché.”

Finn snorted and Poe smiled as they came upon the moon. He seemed to be aiming their ship towards the largest crater in the moon. It was so deep Finn couldn’t even see the bottom of it.

“Anyway, I was hiding from some guys I got on the wrong side of—never steal a date from a Zeltronian, they don’t appreciate it—and needed somewhere to lay low. I found this moon and went in this crater.”

The walls had closed in considerably as they entered the crater and Finn realized it went even deeper into the moon than he first imagined, possibly all the way to the center. The farther inside they went the darker it became until Finn could barely seen anything outside the ship. Poe switched on the ship’s lights.

The air flew from Finn’s lungs faster than lightspeed when he saw what lay hidden in the center of the moon. BB-8 made a low beep, rolling closer to the windows.

“ _Poe,_ ” Finn said when his voice returned to him. Poe had stopped flying their ship and they were drifting through the cavernous center of the moon. His expression was animated; eyes alight with sparkles—more than Finn had ever seen.

Though that was probably just because his eyes were reflecting light that shone off the dazzling, multicolored crystals that lined the inner walls of the moon, cascading above and below them in impressive clusters and streaks and shapes that Finn had never dreamed of before.

“Beautiful, isn’t it?” Poe asked, tearing his eyes away from Finn’s awed face to admire the jagged rainbow of crystals around them.

Finn merely nodded in reply. He had never seen anything so beautiful before in his life—he wasn’t sure the word _beautiful_ even covered it. They floated through the glittering, winding tunnels in silence for several moments, Finn too busy staring at the crystals to talk and Poe too busy staring at Finn.

“Oh, look,” Poe finally spoke, leaning a hand on Finn’s leg to point at a larger cluster of crystals that were built up on the ceiling of the caverns. “There it is, I thought we were getting close!”

Finn felt his temperature rise and tried to concentrate on where Poe was pointing.

“Do you see it?” Poe asked. His face was very near Finn’s and somehow Finn had never noticed how small the compartment in this ship was. He stared hard at the shape of the crystals, tilting his head until he saw it and he grinned excitedly.

“An X-wing!” he said. “That’s what it looks like!”

“I think so too,” Poe replied, and Finn was happy to hear how pleased the pilot sounded that Finn had seen the shape as well. “The first time I was here seeing that shape felt like a sign. It helped me.”

“This place,” Finn began, shaking his head, “it’s _amazing_ , Poe!”

He turned to find Poe’s lips right in front of his eyes, looming over him. The sparkling thing was happening with his eyes again, and they were so close Finn thought he could practically see every crystal reflected in them. His lungs forgot how to work for the second time since they entered the moon.

“I’ve never taken anyone here before,” Poe murmured, and the seconds seemed to stretch on forever in this solitary, incredible cave. Then Poe straightened, glancing out of the window again and adding offhand, “but I thought you could use some cheering up!”

When he looked down at Finn again he was smiling, but the sparkles weren’t filling his dark eyes anymore. Finn’s chest felt heavy and he didn’t know why.

“The point is,” Poe continued, returning to his seat and turning them around to exit the crater, “don’t worry about what that nerfherder said. You were a stormtrooper and you aren’t anymore, so everything worked out, right?”

“Ri—right,” Finn agreed, though his voice cracked. Finn watched the luminous crystals face and then vanish as they exited the crater, feeling jumbled and strange and more confused than he had been when he went in. Poe started telling him some more of his adventures as they prepped for hyperspace but Finn couldn’t shake the feeling that something had happened back in that crystal-filled moon that he couldn’t explain. Yet, it stuck with him for a long time afterwards.

He felt like he _wanted_ —no, **needed** — _something_! He just couldn’t for the life of him figure out what it _was_ he _needed_.

* * *

 7)

When the fleet returned, battered and broken, rushing the injured pilots to the medical stations Finn was waiting at the entrance, just out of the way but close enough to see. He had to _see_. Dozens of pilots swarmed through the base, all dressed in their gear, some torn and burned, either carrying their fellow pilots or being carried, words thrown across blacktop, medics rushing to and fro, their instruments flashing and beeping as they made readings and addressed the wounds of the injured who didn’t require hospitalization.

Finn’s eyes searched every face. He had been with the resistance long enough to recognize most and it killed him to see his friends injured, but he had yet to find the face he was really searching for.

Finn knew it could have been so much worse if General Organa hadn’t ordered the retreat, but seeing so many wounded made him sick to his stomach. He wished Rey were here and he wished that Poe—

“BB-8!” he shouted, running as soon as he spotted the droid through the crowd. BB-8 turned upon hearing’s it’s identifier and beeped something Finn couldn’t understand at him, but just the sound of it made Finn’s stomach drop. He moved as fast as he could through the crowd as a swarm of pilots and medics that BB-8 was following after reached him and as they moved past, shouting incoherently, Finn saw the pilot they were carrying. He had already known as soon as he saw BB-8 that Poe was injured but seeing him, half of his face smeared with blood ( _please, please don’t let it be his blood, please_ ), unconscious and surrounded by medics, Finn lost the ability to breathe.

He and BB-8 moved with the group all the way to the medic bay. They made twin sounds of distress when they were shut out of the room Poe was taken into to have his wounds addressed. Finn barely heard it when one of the other pilots informed him that Poe was going to be okay, he was going to be fine. He only snapped out of his dazed state when BB-8 began repeated ramming into the medic room doors, desperately trying to get inside. He swallowed, pulled himself together and bent down to the droid’s level.

“He’s gonna be alright,” he told BB-8, who paused and stared at him, beeping softly. “They said he’s going to be fine. We have to wait out here, though. Until they say we can go in.”

The droid did nothing for several minutes and then he rolled until he was nestled against Finn’s leg and he stayed like that until a medic emerged and granted the two of them access, explaining that Poe still wouldn’t wake up for several more hours. Finn and BB-8 could wait that long.

Just as the medic said, Poe slowly began to wake only a few hours later. He groaned first and both Finn and BB-8 sat upright. Another few seconds and he blinked open his eyes. Finn exhaled exuberantly and the droid beeped loudly, rolling all around the room. Poe looked at the two of them, cracked his signature grin, and gave them a thumbs-up. Finn and BB-8 responded in turn.

“Were you guys worried about me?” Poe asked, his voice hoarse, but no worse for wear. “You know it takes a lot more than that to do in the best pilot in the resistance.”

“Just don’t do that again,” Finn sighed, finally relaxing in his seat now that he knew Poe really was going to be okay. Then, much to Finn’s surprise, Poe reached out slowly and took his hand, clasping their fingers together and letting it lie by his side on the bed. Finn warmed and glanced away, then back again. He smiled and added quietly,

“I can’t lose my pilot.”

* * *

 8)

When the leader of the tribe informed Finn that he would need to climb to the top of their sacred mountain and retrieve the stolen item to restore peace to their village, Finn had assumed the mountain was somewhere nearby—and _smaller_.

He never should have agreed to stay and finish this mission while Rey and Poe went off to fly their little planes and shoot bad guys in space, but here he was, halfway up the tallest mountain he had ever seen accompanied by a talkative group of tiny aliens who continued to blabber on despite Finn explaining that he didn’t understand their language way back at the bottom of the mountain. He supposed they could be worse company; aside from the one who kept trying to hop a ride on his shoulders, Finn didn’t really mind them.

What he did mind, however, was how frustrating it was to know that if his friends had been around they could have just flown him to the top of this mountain in minutes. Instead he kept hiking, telling himself that after this he really was going to get Rey or Poe to teach him how to fly, no matter what.

The smallest little alien clambered up to his shoulders again and Finn sighed heavily, taking another step and deciding to give in and just let it happen.

Yep, having a pilot around wouldn’t hurt at a time like this.

* * *

 9)

Finn was quick to learn in his adventures with the rebellion that every gorgeous planet bursting with color and life always held some deadly creature or poisonous plant life or, on one particularly fluffy planet, an atmosphere that brought on fits of giggles and hallucinations that could leave one wandering in a bubble of intense giddiness if you breathed the air for more than ten minutes at a time.

On the more civilized planets this pattern took form with every bright, bustling city hiding a seedy, corrupt underbelly where the galaxy’s most despicable creatures hid and thrived. It was in the middle of such a seedy underbelly that Finn and Poe had been sent where Finn discovered that his companion was on first-name terms with a great many of the aforementioned despicable creatures.

“Parruga!” Poe held outstretched arms open, beckoning blithely, “Gami!”

Two creatures of obscure races that Finn had only ever seen photos of in his stormtrooper identification briefings approached Poe and embraced him. Finn tried not to let his discomfort show on his face (but he was having a very hard time of it). It was moments like these when he almost missed wearing that stupid helmet—at least then he could make any face he wanted and no one saw a thing.

“Oh, _Poe_ ,” Gami said, his green lips pouted as he gazed appreciatively at the pilot, who swept a hand through his hair and grinned. “How long has it been since we’ve seen you?”

“I’ve gone straight,” Poe explained, and winked. Finn turned his body away, pretending to be very distracted by BB-8 who hovered diligently by his side and who was more concerned by the looks he was receiving from the other patrons of the bar to be bothered with his master’s antics.

“I fly for the _rebellion_ now,” Poe whispered, and his acquaintances gasped, catching each other’s eyes (Parruga had about six—that Finn could see). “We’re here on business, but I had to see my old friends, didn’t I?”

Finn snorted and rolled his eyes. He couldn’t believe he let Poe talk him into relying on some “friends” he’d had when he was just a punk kid. They were wasting their time, anyway. These two surely didn’t know where they were supposed to find what they were sent to this planet for. They looked like some flashy, empty-skulled groupies.

“Poe,” he finally interrupted before Gami’s big pouty face got any more unbearable to look at. “We’re looking for something, remember?”

Poe glared at him but picked up his smile again in a flash, apologizing for his “companion’s bad manners.” He then told Finn to wait for him in the ship and walked off into the back of the bar with the two fawning groupies in tow. Finn saw Parruga groping Poe’s rear before they vanished behind a shimmery curtain.

Finn was furious and he did _not_ go back and wait in the ship and instead sat at the bar and ordered the first thing he saw on the menu, which turned out to be only the first of many bad decisions Finn made that evening, all culminating in a high-speed chase, explosions, a lot of running and screaming, and a very lucky escape at the last minute into their ship and away from the planet.

Once they were safely in Hyperspace and their breathing had slowed to near-normal levels, Finn could process all that had happened and react accordingly.

“I told you those two were double-crossers!” Finn burst, rounding on Poe angrily.

“I told _you_ to wait in the ship!” Poe shouted back.

“You—!” Finn was stunned. They had almost _died_ and he was still defending those—those scummy, sexed-up, backstabbing trollops. “If I had actually gone to the ship like you told me to you would be dead!”

“Well if I hadn’t used Parruga and Gami we never would have gotten the item!” Poe yelled, turning his back on Finn and pretending to adjust levers and buttons on the ship’s control panel to avoid Finn’s stare. “And we made it out, didn’t we? _With_ the item. I don’t know what you’re so upset about.”

“I’m—I’m upset because you—they—we almost died! We never should have tried to track down your old ‘friends!’ Yeah, you looked real _friendly_ with them, Poe—before they betrayed us!”“

“Parruga and Gami aren’t bad people,” Poe asserted. “They just did what they had to.”

“You’re _defending_ them?”

“You’re attacking them! I don’t know why you’re so upset. We’ve almost died plenty of times, why was this time any different?”

Finn started to answer but then realized that he didn’t _have_ an answer. Instead he closed his mouth and stayed quiet. Poe had nothing to say either and perhaps the entire trip back to base would have been that way if not for BB-8, who noticed that something was off and nudged Poe’s hand, beeping softly and breaking the tense, angry silence.

Poe exhaled and cleared his throat.

“Finn?” he said, and Finn nervously turned to him, feeling guiltily like the whole fight had been his fault in the first place.

“I’m sorry,” Poe began, and smiled a crooked smile that Finn tried to return. “I know you were just worried about me. You’re right, I’d be dead if you didn’t stay and watch my back.”

Finn hesitated, still confused and unsure of why he was feeling that way, but then he reached out and grasped Poe’s arm, trying to seem surer of himself than he was.

“I’ll always have your back,” he asserted. “And I’m sorry, too. I think I was just feeling left out. There’s still so much I don’t know… sometimes it gets the better of me.”

They made-up amicably and the rest of the way to the rebel base was pleasant enough, but once they landed Finn excused himself to his room right away to sort through his sudden and surprisingly strong emotions.

Why _had_ he reacted like that to Parruga and Gami? Poe knew lots of people, including other less-than-trustworthy people, and Finn had never loathed them so much as the two from this mission. Some of them he even liked!

But when he thought about Parruga and Gami something hot and fiery and strange bubbled up inside Finn that he couldn’t explain and it bothered him.

He tried to think back to the moment he first felt that feeling and it was right when he saw Parruga and Gami, saw how attractive they were and how excited Poe was to see them and to see the way they looked at Poe and the way he looked at them and then suddenly there it was—hot and angry and out of control and so obvious it made Finn smack himself for not realizing what it was sooner.

Jealousy.

He was jealous because Poe had a _history_ with Parruga and Gami—and apparently it was a physical one. It took Finn another few seconds to puzzle out why he’d be jealous of someone who used to date Poe and then (he smacked himself again) it struck him. He pictured Poe in his head and everything became clear.

He _wanted_ this pilot.

It was a bit of a revelation and, honestly, he should have realized it sooner. He thought back to all the times his heart raced when he was with Poe—he thought about the moon with the crystals inside and how Poe had looked at him and he felt like his heart would burst out of his chest.

Being around Poe made Finn feel alive and important. He was so brave and funny and he smiled wide and always ran his hand through his hair and always grabbed Finn by both shoulders when he was excited and Finn was totally and completely—jealously—in love with him.

He couldn’t believe it but it was true, and he had no idea what he was supposed to do next.

“I need—” he paused, thinking it over. The answer came to him in a flash of insight and he wondered again how he hadn’t thought it before. “I need _Rey_.”

* * *

 10)

Rey was right—of _course_ she was—and he had been so stupid not to realize it on his own. When he took off that helmet he was given a chance at a new life, a fresh start! And he would be damned if he would waste it being afraid of what _might_ happen. He would never get anything by sitting around and waiting; Rey knew that better than anyone and Finn knew it too. It was time to finally put FN-2187 behind him and be _Finn_ , the man who stopped waiting and took action, no matter how scary it could be.

Finn strode through the base, his head high, shoulder’s squared; refusing to let his nerves get the better of him. He knew where he was going and he managed to keep it together all the way to the repair bay where he knew Poe would be. The pilot always spent his afternoons touching up his fighter, especially after a battle. Finn took a deep breath, still so sure of himself and his decision until he spotted that familiar back and a head of dark wavy hair.

Finn’s stomach did summersaults and he ducked behind Su-Mima’s X-wing before Poe could see him. He took a deep breath, closing his eyes and trying to regain some of the courage he’d had only a moment before. He glanced around the front of the fighter. There didn’t seem to be anyone around, so that was good, except that it didn’t help him get his feet moving in the direction of the man he came to see.

Something beeped near his feet and he looked down to see BB-8 staring up at him. The droid rolled around his shoes beeping loudly. Finn panicked, pressing his finger to his lips in an attempt to keep the droid quiet. As usual, BB-8 obstinately refused to listen. He made even more noise and rolled away from Finn and over to his master, beeping all the way.

“Who’s here?” Poe asked the droid, stepping down from the ladder and wiping his brow on his sleeve. Finn watched him from behind the fighter and swallowed hard, stomach full of anxious bubbles.

The pilot looked around, confused, and then back at BB-8.

“I don’t see him, buddy. Are you sure?”

Finn cursed silently, balled his hands into the pockets of the jacket, and stepped out from behind the other ship.

“I’m here,” he said, voice cracking embarrassingly.

Poe looked up when he heard him and Finn felt like he could go blind from the light of his smile. He tried to smile back but he didn’t think it was very convincing. They took a few steps towards each other and stopped; Finn was painfully aware of the silence surrounding them.

“Uh,” Poe began, running a hand through his hair. “BB-8 said you wanted to tell me something?”

Finn shot the droid a look of betrayal and then smiled weakly at Poe, trying to remember what had possibly made him think he could do this. _Rey_ didn’t know what she was talking about! She goes off and trains with _Luke Skywalker_ and now she thinks she’s some _all-knowing Master Jedi,_ doling out advice when people are _perfectly fine_ with things the way they are, and—

“Finn?”

Finn snapped out of his own head suddenly and looked up at Poe, who seemed almost worried for him. He was still smiling but had stepped closer and lowered his head in question. Finn swallowed thickly and nodded to himself.

“I did have something—there was something I was going to say, or ask, or—um. Well Rey said that I should take charge of my life and go for what I want and, uh, I don’t really know what she was talking about? There was some stuff about the Force, and who can understand that mumbo-jumbo, really? I’m trying to say, anyway—what I came here to say, I mean—“

Finn’s unbearable blabber was cut off when Poe’s hands shot out and grabbed a hold of the jacket he’d given him, pulling him in until their lips were pressed warm and soft against one another’s and Finn’s whole brain melted into Ghothian Slime. The kiss could have gone on forever (Finn wouldn’t have minded), but eventually Poe pulled away, eyes cautious.

Slowly, Finn began to nod and regain the smallest hint of composure.

“As I was saying,” he began, clearing his throat and trying not to grin like the idiot he was.

“I could really use a pilot.”

 

* * *

 

+1)

Finn always loved watching Rey eat; he had never seen anyone before eat with such rigor and enthusiasm, though he understood why she did. He gave Rey half of the meal he couldn’t finish since a full meal always seemed like too much just before he left for a mission. It was a good system; Rey ate and he talked and she nodded or shook her head with her mouth full. Once, he made juice squirt out of her nose because he told a joke right when she took a drink. She got him back about a day later, so it was even.

It was lunch and the hall was crowded and noisy, so Finn didn’t notice BB-8 rolling up to where they were seated. Rey glanced around him and spotted the droid trying to get Finn’s attention. Still with a mouthful of food, Rey angled her head and informed Finn that they had a visitor. He spun around and grinned when he saw their robotic companion.

“Is it time?” Finn asked, and BB-8 beeped at him. Luckily Finn had learned enough binary to understand yes and no.

He stood and slipped his arms through the sleeves of the jacket in one fluid motion.

“See you when I get back,” he said, giving Rey a thumbs-up before letting BB-8 lead him out of the hall and towards the base’s exit. He’d just stepped out into the sun when a voice called out behind him.

“Wait! Finn!” Rey had to run to catch up to him, looking confused. “Where are you going?”

“I’ve got a mission. I told you, remember?”

“Well,” she said, frowning as if she was trying to remember him telling her something about it. “Shouldn’t I come with you? Don’t you need a pilot?”

“Finn!” Poe’s voice rang out across the docking bay. Finn and Rey both looked out to see him standing by the door of his ship, smiling and waving. BB-8 was already halfway to him, leaving Finn in the dust. He gave a small wave back and then looked at Rey brightly.

“It’s alright,” he said, jogging after the droid and towards the ship. “I’ve already got one!”


End file.
